I’m going through something right now, a cross roads of sorts. Maybe life is all about cross roads, and our goal is to always strive to take the right path. But, what is the right path? How do we ever really know, if we’re making the right choices in our lives? So much governs our thoughts, it seems. The world offers us the easy way out ‘’look out for yourself, your happiness matters most,’’ is the usual mantra. And then if you do this at different times in your life, you find out that looking out for yourself isn’t always the best answer, and it doesn’t typically bring happiness. Lasting happiness.
But, what to do if you’re really unsure about the right direction to take with your life? Before returning to faith, I would go by how the possible solution made me feel. If I felt at peace in it, then that must be the right call. Our feelings however can often lead us astray. Upon coming back to Jesus, my decision making process has changed, now. I no longer seek what makes me happy as the end -all – be – all of what will be the deciding factor, but I ask Jesus what He would have me do. In my current situation, Jesus is telling me to stay put, do not acquiesce to what my fiancé is asking of me. You see, my fiancé is asking me to move in with him now, which is a good six months before our wedding date. I don’t feel comfortable, for a number of reasons, but when I give it to Christ, the answer seems crystal clear as to what I should do, or in this case, NOT do. And that is to not move in with him. Now, my life isn’t the epitome of morality, I’ve done things that I regret and have given those regrets to God. Maybe, I just don’t want another regret to be added to the list.
God is always there, at the cross roads. Always. But, we sometimes move Him aside or pass Him by, or miss Him entirely, because we are caught up in our own feelings about a particular situation. How easy it would be to move in with my fiancé right now. How fun it might be too? It would lessen my financial burdens as I continue to pay bills alone, but is this what life has watered down to? Just using someone to pay our bills, and have sex with, at whim? I don’t believe that my fiancé wants to use me, but he is following the world and is jealous of our friends who are living together, and not married. When we are at a cross roads, whether in relationships or not, we are given a chance to pause and look at the bigger picture. Do I really want to get married? Should I be willing to live with him to show him my genuine desire to marry him, since he may need this as proof? Is this a sign that he is not the right one for me?
I don’t believe in ‘’soul mates,’’ but have felt that this is the guy that “almost got away”. He is good looking, smart, has a great job, and a big heart. He seems to understand me, which is not an easy thing, and yet, there is something causing me to pause, and reflect on how magnanimous this decision to marry, really is. It is a life changer, and am I ready, as I thought I was?
Jesus doesn’t ask me those questions though, He only asks me to follow Him. To follow His word, and His commandments. He isn’t interested in what the world or my fiancé thinks, really…He is only interested in my salvation. If I move in with my fiancé, most likely we won’t live like ‘’brother and sister.’’ Let’s be real about that one. Would Jesus want me to be placed into daily temptation with a man who isn’t yet my husband? The answer is no. So, regardless of my own fears about marriage and commitment in general, God is leading the charge, here. God is asking me to put Him first, and by doing so, the right answers will naturally come forth.
Lord, what would you have me do? This is a question we should ask every day when approaching God in prayer. What would you have me do? The answer is always quite clear: Come, follow Me…and I will give you rest.
That settles it, then. I’m not moving in with my fiancé, my decision has been made. If I lose my relationship over this, Jesus will still be there with me. If I turn from Jesus, to follow my fiance’s desires, I will lose myself. I will pray that whatever God’s will is for my relationship, will be what my fiancé and I choose to follow.
What profit is it to gain the whole world, but lose your soul? (Mark 8:36)
The world can wait.
the everyday believer 